Avenging Gobi Manchurian (China)

Anyone from China visiting India may wonder why Indian interpretation of Chinese food does not unleash the full wrath of the People’s Liberation Army against India. Here is gobi manchurian, cauliflower fritters, a Chinese dish in India.

The PLA can rest. Chinese sexual aid sellers have taken on the responsibility.  If you stay in any of the local hotels in China or nearby countries that Chinese businessmen frequent, the toiletry drawer will feature a pack of condoms and some “performance enhancing” paraphernalia. I found this pack of  “Indian Miracle Oil” wet wipes in mine.

These are not India made, nor do they have ingredients from India. They just use the connection to India to ascribe potency. There is some romanticism of such aphrodisiacs from Tibet and India in Chinese literature.

Below, one such example. It gets a bit NSFW from here.

A popular historical erotic novel Jin Ping Mei (The Golden Lotus) has a part where the protagonist, Ximen Qing, feels a weakening of his sexual poweress. He meets a wandering monk from India. (Page 306):

“Why do you ask me these questions? I am only a poor monk. My name is everywhere the same. I come from a foreign land, from the deep pine forests of India, from the temple of the Frozen Mansions. I roam about the world, dispensing remedies

to give ease to men. What would you say to me?”

“Since you have remedies to give ease to men,” Hsi-mên Ch’ing said, “I should be glad to have something that would inspire me with new ardour. Have you any such medicine?”

“I have,” the Indian Monk said.

“I should like to ask you to come to my house,” Hsi-mên Ch’ing said. “Will you come?”

“I will come. I will come.”

“If you are willing,” Hsi-mên Ch’ing said, “let us start

at once.”

Ximen invites the monk to his home and treats him to a generous meal.  The monk gives Ximen some of his magical medicine.  (Page 309):

“I have one medicine made by Lao Chün, to whom the

Goddess Mother gave the secret. None are able to secure this medicine but those of whom I think well. You have been kind to me and I will give you a few pills.” He took a gourd from his long bag and emptied about a hundred pills. “Take one

on each occasion,” he said, “but no more. Take it with a drop of spirits.” He opened the other gourd and took from it some red powder about two ch’iens’ weight. “Every time you use it,” said the monk, “take two grains and no more. Should

you feel a burning sensation, take your weapon in your hand and stroke your thighs a hundred times or so. Then all will be well. Be judicious in your use of these remedies and give none to anyone else.”

Hsi-mên Ch’ing took the medicines in both hands. “Tell

me,” he said, “what is the merit of this medicine?”

Shaped like an egg

Yellow like a duck

In three successive processes Lao Chün prepared it

At the bidding of the Jade Goddess.

To him who glances at it heedlessly

It seems like earth or dung

But, when its merits are known, its worth is more than jewels.

No gold will buy it

And jade is valueless compared with it.

Though you are girt with gold and robed in purple

Though you are dressed in sable

And ride upon the plumpiest chargers,

Though you uphold the pillars of the state

Take but a speck of this, set it upon you, then

Rush like a whirlwind to the bridal chamber

There you will find Spring always young

All will be bright and gay.

There will be no ruins on the jade mountain

And the moonbeams will shine bright upon your window.

The first engagement will leave you full of vigour

The second, even stronger than before.

Though twelve exquisite beauties, all arrayed in scarlet, wait your onset,

You may enjoy each one, according to your fancy

And, all night through, erect your spear will stand.

Soon, new strength will be given to limbs and belly

It will refresh the testicles, invigorate the penis.

Later Ximen tries the monk’s medicine.(Page 317):

Hsi-mên Ch’ing took a pill with the spirit, undressed him- self and sat down on the side of the bed. Then he opened the case in which he kept his instruments. First he put the silver clasp on the root of his penis, and fixed a sulphur ring on top of it. Then he took a little of the red powder from a silver box, no more than the prescribed dose, and put it into the horse’s eye. The medicine worked at once. The penis’s erection was amazingly aggressive; its head swelled and the single eye opened wide; the lateral sinews stood out plainly; it was as dark as liver in colour, seven inches long, and much thicker than usual. Hsi-mên Ch’ing was highly pleased: he decided that the medicine was a very fine thing. She sat naked on his knee, took his penis in her hands and said: “So this is why you wished to drink spirits. You wished to make him like this.” She asked Hsi-mên where he had obtained the medicine, and he told her about the Indian Monk.

She laid herself upon the bed, with two pillows under her.

He wanted to put his penis to work, but its head was so swollen that it was a long time before he met with any success, and even then he made very little progress. Eventually the juices of love flowed from her and the path became gradually easier; the prick advanced, but its head was hardly covered.

Then the wine which he had drunk came to the rescue; he withdrew a little, then plunged in deep and enjoyed untold rapture. She also had an exquisite orgasm; she lay on the bed as if unable to move, and said tearfully, “Dearest of men, your wonderful prick has killed me.”

Update 2025: Also see these links: https://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=27301

And https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/342561030 (The page is in Chinese. Used translation software to see this. this is where I learnt that the company that makes the miracle oil wipes is actually from Hong Kong)